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You and Gender.
#51
(10-30-2013, 02:02 AM)Seaglass Wrote: My SO and I are meant to be together, I choose to believe that not because of how I feel so much as because of inability to not love them, if that makes sense. I don't want to leave, I grow and learn all of the time, I am happy, to me that feeds my soul, not just my mind. But then again, I believe in a soul, so maybe it should be something like soul partner?
I've had this discussion recently, and the final agreement is that there is a difference between "meant to be together" and "belong together." I was asked if I thought we were Meant To Be, and my response was an honest 'no,' but that we make that happen together by both wanting it enough to put a significant amount of energy into perpetuating it and not letting it fall. I do, however, believe that we fit very well into each other's lives, and understand one another on a level that is unmatched by anyone outside our relationship; in this way, we Belong.
"Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat." -Luna Lovegood
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#52
(10-30-2013, 04:29 PM)Moon Moon Wrote:
(10-30-2013, 02:02 AM)Seaglass Wrote: My SO and I are meant to be together, I choose to believe that not because of how I feel so much as because of inability to not love them, if that makes sense. I don't want to leave, I grow and learn all of the time, I am happy, to me that feeds my soul, not just my mind. But then again, I believe in a soul, so maybe it should be something like soul partner?
I've had this discussion recently, and the final agreement is that there is a difference between "meant to be together" and "belong together." I was asked if I thought we were Meant To Be, and my response was an honest 'no,' but that we make that happen together by both wanting it enough to put a significant amount of energy into perpetuating it and not letting it fall. I do, however, believe that we fit very well into each other's lives, and understand one another on a level that is unmatched by anyone outside our relationship; in this way, we Belong.

Makes sense.
I don't really put too much thought into it, I have other things to worry about, living with someone sometimes is definitely hard, being married even harder at times, specially if your partner is an INTP, there are shortcomings. I wouldn't change it for the world, but to be honest, I have stopped sweating the little details.
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#53
I am a 40 year old woman who has just found out I am INTP, I have always found a disconnection between society and me but more strongly with other woman. I have always questioned my gender even saying A sexual, this happens because I think differently from other woman but that doesn't mean your gay. Look into yourself and see your own truth.
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#54
I think that I have finally come to terms with being asexual. I thought that I was heterosexual, but after entering into a relationship I found that I was more happy to be alone, and that I don't want an intimate relationship. It was never something that truly interested me, but my understanding of society, and what it expected of me, forced me to try to be a way that I just am not.

I've always had a disconnect with other females. I never understood them. I found their interest in gossip trivial, and ridiculous. It's not something that I can even try to relate to. Other girls were always so interested it their "relationship" to the point where they were pathetic in my eyes. This was because outside of that relationship, that they so defined themselves by, they had nothing. There was no depth of character. There was no solid thought to be expressed. They were shallow, completely dependent, and everything that I never wanted to be.

Maybe I am being overly harsh to the others of my sex. Maybe they don't deserve the words that I have given. Probably not. It's just how I felt when I was growing up, and now I realize that it's okay to just not be them, or anything like them. Instead, I can be independent, smart, and alone. I can live by myself, and be perfectly happy, and as long as I am happy there is nothing wrong with that, because ultimately I am the only one responsible for my happiness. So if that is what it takes, and if that is what I want, then I can look back upon my life and be satisfied. And that is what really matters. I can be myself, and be comfortable knowing that my life is my own.
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#55
Gender is more of a significant construct in the lives of female INTPs than males because they alone are beaten over the head with it from the time they are young -- the idea that their very personality is inherently inappropriate for their gender, and must be changed or hidden to better accommodate the gender role. Men have their own struggles, what with society's gender obsession dictating things they can and cannot do, namely anything which expresses an emotion that isn't anger...but INTPs do not generally thrive on expressing emotion, so it's natural to become a stoic guy who stays relatively calm and smiles only when he feels like smiling. Barring transgender feelings and/or DID, there's no reason to question your gender or orientation when you're born male, it simply is, and the way society treats you also simply is. It's not worth that much thought. Some might even sneer at those who do devote thought to it - obviously people aren't treating you in a "way" because of your gender, you're just trying to project blame, gain attention, dwell on unimportant things to avoid what really matters, or all of the above...

Women, on the other hand, are expected to maintain a carefully crafted facade (i.e. smiling incessantly) and learn early on that they will be deemed inconsiderate or rude on some level if they do not, and punished accordingly. In customer service, society takes this a step further and actually dictates that any and all women one encounters must maintain a full-on manic attitude in order to be seen as friendly. No one cares that it's emotionally exhausting, you simply must acquiesce or else you must hate the people around you - it's one or the other. Any INTP, male or female, would struggle with such notions. Men just never have to deal with it to such a degree, whereas women must respond to a constant demand to conform. To someone who is good at noticing patterns, it is very noticeable when there is a discrepancy between how you and your male co-workers (or friends, or just random strangers) are treated at face level, so obviously this lends itself to pondering the why.

As for your question, I'm an INTP female. I don't label my sexuality, but I'm in a long term relationship with a trans woman. I've dated men and been attracted to both sexes physically, but I tend to be more attracted to women from a compatibility standpoint. I don't think gender-fluid is a thing, but let me explain - I have Dissociative Identity Disorder in addition to my proclivities, and some of my alters are idealized as males. As a kid, there was a time when I used to actually pretend, rather forcefully, to be a boy - not wanting to insist to others that I was male, but feeling male "inside" and feeling empowered to disregard the gendered restrictions put on me. I wore the same clothes day after day because my parents had provided me only one set of clothing that wasn't hyper-feminized. I got into fights with boys on the playground (and learned that boys don't tell the teacher, but girls do). I swore as frequently as I could get away with. I joked about potty humor and sexual humor. Most of my friends were boys (prior to puberty, at which point I was unanimously chucked from the group because it was decided that girls couldn't be around anymore). I even have a "male voice" that still comes on in different situations without my awareness - a lower, louder tone, slower articulation of words, a different manner of laughing. What I think sets me apart from those that come to identify as "gender fluid" is that I recognize my male alters as what they are....me, in different modes. Not an episode of possession. Not different people sharing a body. And none of this was received through psychotherapy - I came to terms with being multiple on my own, by thinking a lot about these issues when I was a teenager. Had I not had such reason to contemplate my own emotions so much, I might not know that I am this way, or might even massively forget things I had said or done when I was in a dissociated state, as my father does. I would have probably come to some very different conclusions about myself. I might be calling myself gender-fluid.

I think the reason why I'm not transgender is because my male alters are not very sexual in nature, and don't seem to "mind" my having a female body, as that is seen as unimportant. At the same time, because of my physical build, with broad shoulders, toned arms, small chest, visible musculature on my stomach, but wide hips and a big butt...I sometimes almost feel as though I'm male on top, female on the bottom. That's as close to "gender fluid" as I get, and the feeling only comes on once in a while. I do have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about my physical size as it relates to being able to do what I want, go where I want and protect myself - being petite and "cute" has gotten me victimized at multiple points in my life. I responded by becoming physically fit and buying myself a gun...no need to transition. If my male alters were more sexually oriented and seemed to have an "opinion" about my genitals, that might be a different story. But we/I am INTP all the way through...that means the guys don't really care about such insignificant things.

How's that for a long answer? Tongue This is exactly why I simply tell people I am a lesbian as opposed to a "paragraph sexuality"...lol.
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#56
Woooooow
Reading my old reply and...Girl...I was truly young and foolish and knew nothing. XD Look at me now, a femme INTP who identifies as bi/nonbinary. XD It truly is wild. So why do afab INTP tend to be gender fluid/non-binary??? Maybe because of our lack of care/belief in the rigid adherence to social norms. INTP are always diving deeper into something, rooting out the patterns and looking at the bigger picture as it's made up of details others might not notice.
I can see evidence of my nonbinary/bi-ness in my original response, but I was still working on things. I know this forum is a bit dead now but...I wanted to make this update. XD Just going through my old posts.
Sitting in the quiet corner
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