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Why the focus on the negative?
Well what is so wrong about the "negative"?

My first reaction is stop bogging me down with your subjective positivity.

I realise this is just a short side-note, and I am not trying to offend anyone or say anything substantial.

Side-sidenote: I had a relationship with an ENTJ - there was a quick attraction in the beginning that turned sour real quick. We were not compatible at all, but I was lying to myself thinking that we were. Eventually, I gave up.
Hey.... just something I thought I might add.... this is a pretty old post, and I haven't seen any of the people who initially responded post since I got here. And while I'm still a junior member, I've been here a coupla months and I've been lurking since before then. I think any issues the entj had are long since resolved, in one way or another, so don't feel too bad if no one responds to you. So....I always forget the social nicety for the occasion, so consider a generic polite nothing given. And have a nice day!
(07-11-2014, 04:36 PM)Intrigued ENTJ Wrote: Dear INTPs

Could someone explain, slowly and possibly twice?

Am continuing to live, love and learn in my relationship with my INTP - the more I learn the more I marvel at, and get frustrated at the differences.

He reads about relationships and psychology everyday. Most all that he reads is about manipulative relationships, or psychological disorders. He has had quite a few dysfunctional relationships so I can relate to his desire to learn and understand about those relationships.

What I fail to comprehend is his focus on the negative. How can he learn about healthy relationships or even recognise that our relationship is within the bounds of normal if he benchmarks on the manipulative and dysfunctional?

Is his pursuit of knowledge related to the "persistent reaction" following past hurts? When will he let it go? Why does he compare me to them - my relationship history CLEARLY screams sane, normal and kind - I do not have a litany of hurt past loves, my ex would probably write me a reference.

Had a conversation with a pal yesterday and he voiced my query - when will this bright, intelligent, analytical man of mine realise he has (in the words of my pal) a "top drawer woman"? How can he miss the blindingly obvious?

The comparisons to his past women are wearing me down. What can I do or say that will help him look at the here and now and see the positive and stop seeking out the negative?

May have to change my name to frustrated ENTJ.

View this as a compliment. We INTPs naturally store data as some would say, like it, and once interested we have to pursue it. And mostly he might be trying to see if he did wrong. And he is more making sure because of the imprint of the past. And every thing he sees is compared and he is storing differences. Just the fact of him spending this time is showing love. To me this type of research is not negative and more of a thirst of knowledge. Others personalities are keen interests. In fact we copy personality of those around us at the time to fit in. Our true emotional state is very explosive and unrestrained so we copy others and switch through personalities like clothes. INTPs automatically think others know that we love them and so would see no problem with this research and we are completely loyal and (for me) I have to have an emotional support otherwise I break down. Which takes a lot of trust which is hard for us. Imagine if a part of you was torn in the most painful way and that is how we feel betrayal so we hide this emotional wreck with logic. He is reminding himself you love him.
Just throwing this out there: Reading/Learning about the negative side of things isn't always a negative thing to do.

For example, when I was worried about the possibility of being a sociopath I researched sociopaths and symptoms of sociopathy rather than symptoms of normalcy. Then I got interested. No longer was a worried about being a sociopath, but I continued to research sociopaths, psychopaths, Ted Bundy, etc. One thing leads to another, you know. Now, if someone else had looked at my browser's history during that time they might have been disturbed by what they found, but the truth is that I was happy NOT to be in that category and I found what I was learning about to be interesting. I was simply enjoying myself. Not to mention the fact that I was proud to be well-informed on the subject, able to identify such people, and capable of warning loved ones away from people with similar behaviors to those I was reading about.
INTPs don't really express affection. If he seeks you out to spend time with you, that's a pretty good sign. Psychological disorders could juist be his current infatuation. I've always been fascinated by psychology, I suspect we all are. We're such a cerebral type that matters of the mind are of greater importance to us than to other types.

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