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crushes and irrational emotions
#1
Do you guys feel an urge to figure out the best way to handle relationships? (I'm guessing the answer is yes.) I have been trying to learn from an experience I'm having but I'm not sure how to avoid repeating this mistake in the future. I get the impression most people see it like the economy, with inevitable boom and bust cycles, but I don't feel comfortable risking negative emotions without plenty of justification.

I've been going through a situation where I found myself very attracted to someone and starting to have some kind of feelings towards him before I got to know him very well (we had these amazing long conversations about interesting topics but I didn't learn very much about him personally from them, only about his ideas) and subsequently found that he wasn't the right kind of guy for me at all and so now I'm stuck really liking him even though rationally I know I shouldn't. I'm not really concerned about what to do in this situation as he is going out of my life in a few weeks anyway, but I've been thinking a lot about what to do in the future because I've felt really stupid in this situation (it seems so stupid to have even crush level feelings for him when he's totally wrong for me and he doesn't return my interest in kind, I mean how did I even let that happen?) and I don't want to repeat it. My friends all seem to think this is normal and inevitable, that sometimes you just have a crush on someone and of course your emotions will never be rational and you just enjoy the fun parts, deal with the bad parts, and go on with your life, but I have trouble accepting that, which seems like an INTP thing. How can I enjoy him knowing that I'm ultimately going to be disappointed and/or hurt, even though in only a minor way? (The thing is I work with him so I'm going to see him no matter what.) What do you guys think? Is it realistic to try to figure out how to avoid unrequited crushes in the future? How do you protect your emotions from this kind of jostling, or is it just part of life? This is the first time I've been interested in someone new in several years so I'm coming at it with a new perspective.
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#2
I know what you mean. I can accept that the negatives parts of dating are inevitable...until I'm experiencing the negative and then I'm absolutely miserable and try to find a way to make sure it never ever happens again.

I've noticed I crush more based on personality than looks. Looks help, but if I find someone who's on my level with humor and interesting conversations, I naturally start to crush a bit more. I'll start seeking out conversations with them and pretending it's just because I enjoy talking to them, but deep down I know it's because I really like them. If that's how your crushes go, and you really don't want to have a crush on someone, I'd avoid the part where you make any extra effort to talk to them. Talk to them when it makes sense to talk to them, but don't go out of your way because that just feeds the crush and makes it harder to let the relationship trail off naturally.
Don't know if that's what it's like for you...
And it is just part of life, I think. But I think the more aware you are, the less often it has to happen.
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#3
Have you tried finding out why you like him? instead of just leaving it at 'I like him', then explore the feelings and what they attach to a bit more.
That might clarify a few things for you, which you could use in the future.

I had a major crush on someone I studied with, I wasn't really able to function outside of school for some months, so I analyzed why I was so attracted to her. It was because she was a sort of 'free spirit', doing what she felt like and not be dumb about it. (there's a difference between YOLO - Do whatever you like because lol, and YOLO - live life to its fullest.). Seeing through this and getting to know her better, (she became my best friend in school, so I decided not to woo her, as I didn't want to lose that) actually mellowed out the emotions a bit, I could be at ease with them because I now knew where/what they came from.

It also helped me find out what I want in a woman/relationship (that sounded weird to me, like picking a woman off a shelf). I somehow still crave that crush, it was kind of addicting, which also scares me a bit.


EDIT: did I seriously just explain something using YOLO as a reference point? Maybe I should start using the SWAG hat my brother jokingly gave me.
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#4
No one control their emotions but sometimes people need to control their emotions. In https://www.rush-my-essay.com/, I have read an article about irrational emotions. I agree to your post which is absolutely right.
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#5
I suggest starting to write down your own thoughts. Short essays Ca PapersOwl will help you to understand the positions of your framework. I have a new system of Müller's records. You ascertain the problem, and then solve it in a logical way.
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#6
There is a point when we all feel that we made a mistake when it comes to a relationship. All these kind of ups and downs began when we start building expectation from each other which is really natural and obvious. After reading your piece of thought I felt you have made a very natural mistake were most of us have done at a certain point of time. In such a case we can only do is to forget and stop hurting ourselves if a person is not for you. It is easy to say but it is really difficult but yes again it is not impossible. We are one to decide what we want to do with our feeling.
https://lifesaveressays.com/
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#7
Every relationship is very important in our life. Sometimes, they become complex due to misunderstandings. But, we should not lose heart. Anyone has to understand their close ones and sit and solve their issues. In this way, many problems can be solved. We need to understand the importance of the importance of family and friends. We should always accept our mistakes. I like to read such kind of articles. I do research work, during my research; I found one website which provides complete help to the students for their writing projects. That is https://essaywritingexpert-usa.tumblr.com/.
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#8
Despite I am sick and tired from all those relationships I understand it's a big and important part of my life so I need take some experience and learn all the mistakes
May the force be with you
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#9
What I'm slowing - and painfully - learning, after three failed long term relationships and the shortest marriage on record (small exaggeration) is that love and loss are inextricably linked and yep, they do follow cycles. Jungians might call this life-death-life cycles (e.g. see Calrissa Pinkola Estes - I'm getting mystic in my old age). Further, there is no way to protect yourself from emotional pain or from loss if you want to connect with people, which really sucks. Worse is attempting to protect yourself from negative emotions by avoiding the risk inherent in deeper connections, then realising that it is this level of connection, whether platonic or romantic, that makes life worthwhile (esp. to INTPs with Fe last in the functional stack). At least that's my conclusions!

Some good theories on the subject:
1) attachment theory (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_theory). Anxious-preoccupied types often 'crush' on people.
2) Jung's theory on animus/anima - very crudely, when we crush on someone, we are actually attempting to integrate our unconscious contrasexual nature. Good starter article here (para. 2 and 3 in particular): https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/...s-planet-0. Worth further investigation.

Suffice to say, this is a question that has haunted me for years and I'm still grappling with it. Jung's notion of animus has proved the most useful for me.
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