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Confused on how an INTP processes feelings
#1
Hi Everyone, thank you for taking the time to read/respond to this post.

I have this friend who is an intp - we have been building our friendship for over a year now and throughout the year there has been alot of confusion between us. Almost everytime we hang out we get along, have fun, have good conversation, and end the night by kissing. We are in our 30s, we are not sleeping together - we have slept together once over a month ago. Sometimes I think he likes me, sometimes I don't either way I am struggling with how to read him or how to take this relationship further or stop it in my head. We have never had the relationship talk per say, although we have talked about relationships if that makes sense. We hung out this week and I felt we really connected, we spoke about personality types which he had brought up a few days before. I asked him why he brought it up and he said he was having a hard time figuring me out - well maybe we are on the same page there. Conversation was great, night was great as we are leaving he kisses me. It was nice. But he never asks me out on a date. He never says he wants to pursue something with me. He doesn't seem to try and take this anywhere. Normal advice if a guy is into you he will pursue, but sometimes I feel like I am pursuing here. We text everyday, we work together so we take morning, afternoon, and lunch breaks together. We have great chemistry which we both admit to. But what I am doing wrong? It is not that he doesn't date, I know he has but he doesn't have a girlfriend and hasn't in a while and I know he doesn't randomly sleep around because he made that very clear. HELP?!
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#2
Disclaimer: I not only have no idea what I'm talking about, I don't know what I'm saying.

I'm not entirely sure I see the problem here. From what I can tell, he's just living life. Sounds chill.

Brooklyn Wrote:Normal advice if a guy is into you he will pursue


Conventional wisdom only works with conventional people. I know that a lot of people who identify as intp have high inertia. They don't really do anything. (See waitbutwhy.com's article on procrastination for maybe a reason why.

Of course, everyone wants an answer from an expert, but I really don't fit that description. When trying to divine the motivations of someone I don't know from a paragraph written by someone else, error margins are high. And not just high, error margins are so staggeringly high that you should disregard everything I said.

I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier, but if you have a question, maybe ask him?
-Yordle Sandwich
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#3
I'm pretty sure the supposed problem is (correct me if I'm wrong) that Brooklyn92 and Mystery INTP act like a couple in some respects, but it's not official and there haven't been any actual "dates". So Brooklyn92 is confused about what's going on.
Brooklyn, do you mind if I ask what your MBTI type is?

INTPs frequently don't see the point of making relationships official or having clearly defined dates.
Unfortunately (for us), most types don't share this perspective.

Now, I don't know if that's what's going on here, and I can't very well type people from internet descriptions, but, if I had to guess, Mystery INTP doesn't see the point in actually stating that he likes you and that he wants a relationship with you.

To many of us, if we make the effort to spend the time with you, and pay attention to you, and are brave enough to actually kiss you, our feelings should be obvious.
We don't tend to see the point of actually saying "I love you", because, to most of us, words are a lot cheaper than actions, and whether we love you or not is self-evident.

We also tend to think that there's no need to actually be an official boyfriend or girlfriend, because what's important is the content of the relationship, not the societal label placed on it, and stuff like that.

This kind of thinking is foreign to most.

I'm going with Yordle Sandwich in saying that, if you want to know if he wants to have a relationship (or if he believes you're already in one, somehow), you should just ask him. INTPs are generally frank people.
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#4
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#5
I understand your feeling but this is not correct from the perspective of society. If anyone comes to know, they will all abuse you. Whatever your blog or post has shared here. Please keep it limited to here. Otherwise, you will be disgraced.
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