Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
INTP 101 needed
After a very perplexing and soul searching month where my intp boyfriend was totally withdrawn and very distracted, and I being an infp was taking all this personally, I even posted a thread here to understand his mindset. When I asked him what happened and why he was so withdrawn, he replied that he wanted to just be friends for now ( he was going through some career problems that needed his total attention). After deciding to be his friend anyways after a discussion here on this forum, I texted him (I am at my folks' place this week) that I'd be honored to be his friend. But he then stumped me with a revelation.
He had infact lost his job and was having a very hard time.
I had no idea. He did tell me he was going through some career crisis, but as he never pinpointed the problem, reserved as he is, I never saw this coming. I didn't know what to say. I don't know how to handle it from this point on. Please give some insights. I don't want to handle this poorly. How do I help my intp through this rough time in his life. He said that he will text me in sometime. Should I leave him alone as he implied? We still play our online word game quite frequently throughout the day. (This is something that never ceased through all our rough patches.)
But I have no words here. Being an infp, I am a very natural empath, and I can be a very good listener, that's how it works, they have to talk first, then I reassure them and things smooth out. But he is so reserved by nature, it's very hard to get him to talk if he doesn't want to. I don't know how to approach him with verbal support. Please help me out. How can I help him and what not to do and say at this crisis time in his life.
CatGoddess returns.

Well, I can say for sure that intps (as well as many other people) become much more.......... emotional............. in rough patches and times of long-lasting stress. It might not necessarily show outwardly, but, on the inside, we become very........ frenzied, I could say.
That's Ne for you, I believe; our thoughts can become almost frantic, generating tons and tons of horrifying possibilities about everything that could possibly go wrong, and we can often tell that we aren't are usual calm and (fairly) logical selves.

We also might start to feel almost.......... burdened, and confined, by other people. It's not that we no longer care for them; it's just that all the expectations and obligations can sort of smother us.

So, with that being said, you should probably keep in mind that he's not going to be in tip-top shape.
Also, try to make sure you don't make it seem like you're always........... expectant, I guess?

For instance, if you text to him, when he's busy: "I miss you 3>", to show that you still love and care for him, and that you're being emotionally supportive, well.......... this might sound silly, but it can be like second-nature for us to interpret things incorrectly when we're under stress.
We might feel guilty, for not spending more time, and we might feel like there's more and more being expected from us, emotionally, until all the people we care about, by no fault of their own, have completely drained us of emotional energy.

So, while I don't think you should necessarily "leave him alone", completely, when you do text it would probably be better for you to be quietly supportive, and to just remind him that you're there, than to be effusive.
We don't tend to need "words of affirmation" as much as we do someone who we can just count on to be there for us and to understand.

Necessary caveat: I am a teenager, and I probably have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm just very good at sounding intelligent and sensible. Undecided
Thank you so much once again @catgoddess, for your help.
I must say, you certainly know how to paint a picture of your inner world. I feel like a fish out of water here, but I can certainly try to understand it better now. This is uncharted territory for me so in a way I am behaving like the teenager here (although I am in my mid twenties).. Lol. I will try to keep a safe distance then, emotionally. I just wish he had told me this big news earlier and trust me to act mature. I certainly would have understood and kept my emotions restricted anyway. I caused him so much stress unknowingly. I had asked him twice before to share his problems with me. But he didn't, and I assumed the worst that he didn't trust me enough. I feel so guilty now.
The refuge is the website with the title of community of INTP experience to command the various sections. The need of INTP has the logic of making the paymetodoyourhomework and the work of home with the pay and payment mechanism for other people.

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)