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Finding myself or sorting out what isn't me. A question.
#1
I'll get right into it. I feel like I alter my personality so much in order to navigate through social situations that I've lost my true personality, how I talk, walk, the jokes I make , what I talk about seems to be that of one of my alter egos that I call upon to prevent disharmony in the communication. I've been doing it for so long I don't even think about it , I "shift" characters instantly to fit in. When I was in highschool this was a god sent, it protected me and helped me to make friends but now that im older I find it hard to truly"be myself" when I want to.If anyone has any advice or experience with this I am looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks.

P.s Hey, I'm new and I hope to be a useful member to this site I'll try and share the knowledge that I believe will help most. Also excuse my grammar I have a learning disability that makes it hard for me to see mistakes in my grammar and spelling(which is interesting as a intp).
"Everything that has been will be ,everything that will be has been"
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#2
Oh, well, I don't have a solution, only my useless opinions.

I'm currently in high school, and I have the same thing.
Most people will "shift" how they present themselves in front of different people; it's a defense mechanism. However, most of these people will find that, at the end of the day, when they're by themselves, they become who they "truly are" again.
I'm not like that. I shift to match people, but, when I'm by myself, I'm not anybody in particular. I don't have a "true self" to be.

In other words, who I am is not fixed. Or, to put it a different way, I don't have a personality that constrains who I necessarily must be; I only have things that I'm more comfortable being, or that I want to be.

I don't think it's a problem; in fact, I find it rather................. freeing.
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#3
(02-13-2017, 05:04 PM)CatGoddess Wrote: Oh, well, I don't have a solution, only my useless opinions.

I'm currently in high school, and I have the same thing.
Most people will "shift" how they present themselves in front of different people; it's a defense mechanism. However, most of these people will find that, at the end of the day, when they're by themselves, they become who they "truly are" again.
I'm not like that. I shift to match people, but, when I'm by myself, I'm not anybody in particular. I don't have a "true self" to be.

In other words, who I am is not fixed. Or, to put it a different way, I don't have a personality that constrains who I necessarily must be; I only have things that I'm more comfortable being, or that I want to be.

I don't think it's a problem; in fact, I find it rather................. freeing.

That's an interesting way to think about it. Thanks, I appreciate your insight you've uncovered a blind spot in my thinking.
"Everything that has been will be ,everything that will be has been"
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#4
I came across a thought similar to this recently. Rather, I realized that I'm a human.

Obviously, I already knew that, but it was more than what it sounds like. Looking around at people, I always see patterns and behaviors suiting particular environments. Trained responses, social stigma-driven political statements, and even *lies* intending to "fit in" to a scenario only to backpedal when the opposing member denied agreement. I realized that I am the same "machine" as them and likely do the same things.

I never really consider myself from the third person in social scenarios, though others seem to do so in near-constant state. Introverts sink into themselves in social situations to figure out plans and fit scenarios, so we "swap" the personality as needed. (I've decreased in doing the swapping as much as before.). When alone, we open up to realize we aren't "those people".

Our "true self" is the distant, analyzing ice berg of passion deep within ourselves. At least, I am... I had a hard time being "myself" when my social groups dissolved because I no longer had those "personality islands" to keep my ice berg company. I felt lonely and lost in a sea of singularity for quite a while. I'm not sure what happened, but I'm pretty fine with "who I am", or rather, the lack of restriction of who it is I can be now.

I am pretty weird, though. That's a bit sad. :p
Not knowing the place, I set out for the land of my dreams.
Having arrived at the land of my dreams, I found I did not know the place.
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#5
What an interesting topic. I do completely understand. I agree with CatGoddess in that it is quite a freeing feeling. Personally, I'm not sure I'd be content to have a fixed personality that never changed or evolved as a lot of people seem to possess. In fact, I've often chastised myself for being too predictable or too much the same for too long a time. I think the fact that as INTPs we are constantly looking at multiple possibilities at all times may very well make it less probable that we would be just one way or one personality consistently. Every person we meet and interact with brings with them new views or perspectives. I, for one, can't really shut that out so I likely take that on in one way or another and that adds to how I am/who I am in that moment with them and even when I'm alone (which is why I'm very careful who I hang around regularly). It does take time for me to turn that off if I'm around that person/people/energy for a long time. I have to sort of reacquaint myself with myself if you will. For me that did take practice to carve out the foundational layer of who I'm mostly likely to be most of the time; there has never been an all around consistent "me" so to speak.
Trust no one, fear nothing.
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#6
I too have only my thoughts to share. I hope they will be sufficient.

I've been struggling with a terrible but depressingly common ordeal: growing up. Part of that is determining who I am, what I want to be. So I've thought a lot about this.

When we seek to determine who we are, we are often trying to separate ourselves from our environment. This is not possible. When you are most alone, you are still with yourself. When you are most bored you are still doing something, from breathing to brick-laying. In other words, you are trying to realize what you are in the absence of any stimulus, but without any stimulus, we are not.

If we take this to the logical extreme, we can put a person (we will call them Alex) in a vacuum. We will remove any stimulus. Alex will be completely numb, with no input of any kind. What is Alex with no stimulus? Alex is the result of Alex's memories and genetics. What if we remove them as well, as they are nothing but stimulus as well? We are left with a void, a vacuum.

Now we put Alex back together.

We start with the genetics. These provide predispositions. Tendencies and aptitudes. but when Alex is rebuilt, they are still lacking. They have no experience. They cannot even walk or speak. They are more than a void, but less than a person.

We then add the past experience. Alex is who they were, floating in the void that they were put in. Alex has somewhat of an identity. Alex has an algorithm to act with, but nothing to act on. There is no action because their is not stimulus.

Then we return Alex's senses. If they are cold, then Alex may shiver. If they have no air, then Alex may suffocate. These base functions have little conscious choice on our part, but they are caused by our genetics (our unfortunate tendency as humans to require oxygen), or our experience (our particular experience with cold for example).

Then we return Alex to the world. What does Alex do? That does depend on their genetics (what they are). It also depends a great deal on their experience (how they know is best to act in a situation). But most importantly, it depends on what is happening and existing around them. The environment is the most important part of the equation.


In short, if you take yourself in absolute isolation, you get void. If you take yourself in varying degrees of isolation, you get varying degrees of nothingness. We are nothing if not our experiences and environs.

However, there is hope if you want to be something more. We as humans have the gift of consciousness, which allows us to observe ourselves and choose our future paths. We are our experience combined with our environment, but we can choose the former and predetermine the latter. You can build the experience right now in your room or on the road or wherever you are that in future environments you will always be courteous, or that you will always smile, or even that you will always walk on your hands.

We have nothing taken in isolation, but we can choose our paths if we choose them consciously.

Sedulo,
I'll Walk Myself Out.
Even if the stars should die in heaven,
Our sins can never be undone.
No single death will be forgiven
When fades at last the last lit sun.
Then in the cold and silent black
As light and matter end,
We'll have ourselves a last look back
And toast an absent friend.

--Elizier Yudkowsky
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#7
I've heard that a person can never truly know who they are until they are alone with themself for a length of time...

This has been said in regard to relationships, but I think it applies here too. If you feel you are mirroring the behavior of those around you (which, as a social animal, you totally are: Wiki: Mirroring) it seems the prudent way to re-discover your true essence is to remove the distraction of who-wants-you-to-be-what and just respond to things (situations, inputs, emotions, etc) on your own.

Even if this comes from hiding yourself in a good book, you'll realize more about yourself by being in your own head than you will by picking the brains of random online INTPs... Tongue


Quote:...but we can choose our paths if we choose them consciously.
A thousand times, this.

If you have a pattern you want to break, there is no better way to break it than by being determined not to have that be a part of who you are. Sometimes we phrase this as "not the kind of person I want to be known as," which is good enough to start with, but the moment you get to "not the kind of person I want me to be" (for your own peace of mind) things get way more fluid.

Same goes the other way: if there's something you want to be great at, you can (and must) engineer greatness in that endeavor. For example, Justine made me ramen a few days ago, and it struck me that this (plain ramen noodles, no extras) will likely be the dish our future kid will rely on as comfort food because it's what J will make for her when she gets sick. I can choose to live with that (because it's cute), or I can choose to change it (because it's not the healthiest choice), but the fact that I can see it happening in the future is what gives me the ability to make that decision.

Also, there is a book about this topic called "Talent Is Overrated" that in a nutshell says the reason we have this concept of "child prodigy" is that those kids spend tons and tons of hours doing the thing they're prodigiously good at (because it is fun). So they're not actually "born" with talent, they're just super well-practiced. And YOU can get well-practiced too! If you choose to take up piano at a late age you can get super good (against all odds!) by actually practicing a ton of hours every day. The main reason people think taking up piano at a late age (and other things) is hard is because usually by "a late age" you don't prioritize the hours and hours of practice it takes to get super good.


-------------EDIT-------------
On a possibly related note: Super Duper Man, your signature reminds me of this Bones quote:

Bones: Because nothing in this universe happens just once, Angela. Nothing. Infinity goes in both directions. There is no unique event, no singular moment.
Angela: I don’t know what that means.
Bones: It means you will get another chance.
"Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat." -Luna Lovegood
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#8
(02-20-2017, 02:38 PM)madnessnunky Wrote: I came across a thought similar to this recently. Rather, I realized that I'm a human.

Obviously, I already knew that, but it was more than what it sounds like. Looking around at people, I always see patterns and behaviors suiting particular environments. Trained responses, social stigma-driven political statements, and even *lies* intending to "fit in" to a scenario only to backpedal when the opposing member denied agreement. I realized that I am the same "machine" as them and likely do the same things.

I never really consider myself from the third person in social scenarios, though others seem to do so in near-constant state. Introverts sink into themselves in social situations to figure out plans and fit scenarios, so we "swap" the personality as needed. (I've decreased in doing the swapping as much as before.). When alone, we open up to realize we aren't "those people".

Our "true self" is the distant, analyzing ice berg of passion deep within ourselves. At least, I am... I had a hard time being "myself" when my social groups dissolved because I no longer had those "personality islands" to keep my ice berg company. I felt lonely and lost in a sea of singularity for quite a while. I'm not sure what happened, but I'm pretty fine with "who I am", or rather, the lack of restriction of who it is I can be now.

I am pretty weird, though. That's a bit sad. :p

What always make me sad is that I know if I acted as my true self I could do so much more in life and come across as a smarter more comfortable and confident and less of a awkward goof ball but Everytime I feel the least bit uncomfortable I revert in to my "safe" personality recently I talked to someone as who i really believe myself to be and i have no idea why or how I did so but it was so refreshing and it mad me feel at peace. Thanks for your input and sorry for the rambling.
"Everything that has been will be ,everything that will be has been"
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