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How do I get him interested?
#1
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Hi everyone!

I am an INTJ woman, and being the emotional inept that I am, I search for dating advice on the internet. I am interested in a guy who I'm pretty sure is an INTP (he hasn't taken the test, but a common friend of us agrees that he is INTP). He trusts me with personal things he doesn't tell anyone, and I feel honoured by it. When we are together we connect so well, and I just can't resist him.

However, I have a one, big problem with him: he doesn't make efforts for anything; like he entered uni a year earlier than me and now I am one and a half years ahead of him. And he is super smart, but can't give a crap to study. Though I read that it is common for INTPs.

About a year ago I very clumsily told him that I was interested in him, and he declined, but our friendship didn't turn weird, and some two months later he asked me if I still liked him (I said something like "yes, although I don't mind just friends"), and that he was "confused" about it. (Sidenote: he can't seem to get over his very problematic high school girlfried. Not that I want to be hard on him, but maybe it helps with the diagnosis).

After that, I went to study a semester abroad, and at first we spoke frequently, and he helped me a lot because I felt quite alone. Then, some months passed when he barely answered my attempts at conversation. I tried to convince myself that if he didn't show any interest, then he wasn't interested and it was best to not talk to him.

Then, recently I saw him by chance for the first time since I came back, at lunch with some friends, and I just melted. All my efforts were useless and suddenly I did mind "just friends". (I am ashamed to say that I even wrote a poem about it, please someone help me T_T).

The question: How can I refloat this relationship without overwhelming him? Or at least know for sure whether he is still interested. I tend to be very direct and insistent when I want something, like wanting to talk a lot and make plans, but I have read this can frighten the INTPs, and we don't share any courses this year, so I don't have opportunities to come close to him without it seeming intentional.

Thanks and hugs to anyone who takes the time to read my drama Smile

PS: Any grammatical weirdness is due to the fact that I am not a native speaker.
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