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Feelings in Relationships
#21
"I think I can manage through some of these differences with practice and continued understanding, but there are other things that need to be in tact and that may not have anything to do with personality types. That is explaining our needs in a relationship. One of my needs is to know how he feels about me and what he thinks about me. If I have that, then so much of this is peripheral. I thought everyone needs that or at least all women do. Do male INTPs need that?"


I think everyone needs that, but the difference is how/how much. As a female INTP, the things your bf has said and done already would be a strong indication to me of his feelings.
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#22
Point well taken. Smile I've often thought, maybe I'm too needy or maybe the needs are just illusions. I'm very much trying to not overlook the things he has told me that may not come easy for him, i.e. "I would be very upset if we broke up at this point."

I appreciate the candid feedback. This really has been quite the INTP Experience. Smile

(03-04-2013, 12:29 PM)Pickwick12 Wrote: "I think I can manage through some of these differences with practice and continued understanding, but there are other things that need to be in tact and that may not have anything to do with personality types. That is explaining our needs in a relationship. One of my needs is to know how he feels about me and what he thinks about me. If I have that, then so much of this is peripheral. I thought everyone needs that or at least all women do. Do male INTPs need that?"


I think everyone needs that, but the difference is how/how much. As a female INTP, the things your bf has said and done already would be a strong indication to me of his feelings.
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#23
I don't think needs are an issue of wrong or right or too much as much as they're an issue of compatibility.

(03-04-2013, 12:51 PM)Givergirl Wrote: Point well taken. Smile I've often thought, maybe I'm too needy or maybe the needs are just illusions. I'm very much trying to not overlook the things he has told me that may not come easy for him, i.e. "I would be very upset if we broke up at this point."

I appreciate the candid feedback. This really has been quite the INTP Experience. Smile

(03-04-2013, 12:29 PM)Pickwick12 Wrote: "I think I can manage through some of these differences with practice and continued understanding, but there are other things that need to be in tact and that may not have anything to do with personality types. That is explaining our needs in a relationship. One of my needs is to know how he feels about me and what he thinks about me. If I have that, then so much of this is peripheral. I thought everyone needs that or at least all women do. Do male INTPs need that?"


I think everyone needs that, but the difference is how/how much. As a female INTP, the things your bf has said and done already would be a strong indication to me of his feelings.
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#24
NRJC,

Your last paragraph in this reply nailed it! Those darned "Js" and "Ps". My BF is always saying "That's so J of you."

(03-04-2013, 09:29 AM)NRJC Wrote:
(03-03-2013, 08:08 AM)thelithiumcat Wrote: Yeah, I think introverts have a strong tendency to create their own things and plan most things for just themselves. It's very relaxing and much less complicated to not have to worry about other people being there. Being an INTP, I'm good at planning things out and being in control - when it's just me. Just dealing with things inside my mind, which is one of Ti's strong points. Having to involve others makes me want to defer to them because they aren't the input-output machines my mind can work with so I want to observe them. They are also too unpredictable as factors to be able to include them reliably in a plan, which necessitates following them. Also, being alone means that we don't have to worry about what we feel and how we react because it's just us. We can experiment and see what works. There's no one around to have an opinion and for us to have to react to. Everyone has different personas for different people, and the only way to be completely unfiltered is to be alone. It's kind of liberating, I suppose.

In a semi-large, social setting I call this "big group syndrome", but it can also apply to just being with one other person. It's basically paralysis by analysis, as everyone takes turns suggesting and/or shooting down suggestions for "what do you want to do?". No one wants to make a decision, and it's hard to come to a consensus and figure anything out or get anything done. The flip side to that is when someone makes an "executive decision" for the whole group. In both cases, it can lead to frustration where the alternative (riding solo) is much more appealing. There are several factors at play, and "Thelithiumcat" has touched on some of them.

Since I despise being "forced" into doing anything, being told what to do, or being in the presence of someone who lacks the self-awareness to realize the effect that their (often selfish/taxing/inconsiderate) "executive decision making" has on the group, I think that there's a hyper-sensitivity to making sure that I'm not "that guy". In many ways it's a situation that has many of the same lead up circumstances as what you find in a "reluctant leader" scenario talked about in other posts (I knew I was an INTP when…), except that in a social/personal setting there isn't the same feeling of urgency or importance in that decision-making vacuum being filled. So rather than reluctantly take the lead as we may do in a work setting, in a social setting we're much more inclined to defer to the group, allow the group to stumble around in direction-less limbo, "tap out" (withdraw from the group), or avoid the group dynamic altogether.

And even if the situation is one where it’s just you and your spouse (or GF/BF), many of these same factors come into play. Throw in the fact that our “P” often has us “shooting-from-the-hip” or “winging it” when it comes to making plans (Givergirl’s boyfriend said “I haven’t gotten that far”), and it can come off as or be perceived (especially to people with the “J”) as ambivalence or disinterest, and cause the non-INTP to become insecure as they perceive “mixed signals” from someone who they think isn’t excited enough, or "into them" enough, to sufficiently “plan” an eventful night.
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#25
I sent a quite wordy text expressing that I like him after hitting it off with an INTP and then he said he's busy and didn't respond for a couple of days. He texted again casually and apologized for being late in replying but maybe I responded to soon and too well (told him it's totally fine), he just sent a one word response and stopped texting again. Why do this? Should I follow up or is he basically not interested and I should let it go?
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#26
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